Silence. The sounding of a ticking clock as my family eats our dinner. Munch, munch. Scrape, scrape. Tick-tock. A minutes goes by, then five. Sometimes longer. How long can you last before one of you cracks? Breaks the uncomfortable silence that gnaws at your mind.
Culturally Japanese people are used to silence. Research suggests that while Westerners often feel awkward after just 4 seconds of silence, Japanese may remain comfortably silent for more than double this. To living in the moment, mindfully experiencing their food and each other’s company. Savouring the delicate fatty flavour of yellowtail sashimi as its dipped in soy sauce. Maybe there’s a glance shared, a gesture of mutual appreciation, or maybe we are just lost in our senses, or lost in our thoughts. But in silence. Enjoying the moment, enjoying the company.
kokochiyoi chinmoku. Comfortable silence.
Ma (間): This concept refers to a “negative space” or “meaningful pause” in conversation or art, allowing for reflection and depth rather than viewing emptiness as a void. When I did competed in martial arts, it was the pauses that were often more dramatic, more powerful, then the action itself. Eyes locked, sweating dripping from brow, chest moving with breath. Focused.
Naturally, my family is generally more British than Japanese, but we’ve somehow adopted this worthy attribute of comfortable silence. Not always but often, cherishing small moments of peace. It is common in the Western world to feel the need to fill silence. Fill it with words and actions, so unbearable that it is. Interrupting each other, not waiting for the other one to finish their sentence. I know people who can’t stand more than a few seconds before they need to open their mouths and talk. And talk and talk and talk.
Not filling the voids, but immersing ourselves in them. This is where magic can happen. Words can be overrated and a profound appreciation for quiet can be a form of communication. A form of intimacy and respect. A way to show thoughtfulness, maturity, and mutual comfort. Silence helps to avoid rushing into speech and encourages thoughtful listening, enhancing, rather than hindering, social interaction. A way to make ourselves better, make better decisions, say better things. Live better lives.
Just silence.
Comfortable silence.
Shh…
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